Immediately after taking a pregnancy test and seeing those two lines, i had two thoughts race to my mind. First, I’M SO EXCITED!! I couldn’t wait to tell people that our dream of growing our family was coming true! My second thought was, I hope this pregnancy I’m not sick like I was with Jonas. About a week and a half later (around 5 1/2 weeks pregnant), my answer became clear when the morning sickness hit full force.
Since being 5 1/2 weeks pregnant, I pretty much have constantly been nauseous. Up until I was 10 1/2 weeks pregnant, I was throwing up everyday. When I was pregnant with Jonas, I was working full time and with this pregnancy, I’m a stay at home mom. I’m not quite sure which is worse when all you can think about is puking. Taking care of a busy toddler through this has been really difficult for several reasons. Jonas was used to me constantly taking him to do things and playing with him. All of the sudden, I was laying on the couch and not nearly as interactive. He could tell that something was wrong and with the cold weather and all the snow, he became stir crazy. He would literally try pulling me down off the couch while whining “mommy” for me to play with him constantly.
I felt like the worst mom in the world and it completely broke my heart. I felt like I was barely able to take care of him and meanwhile, he pretty much preferred anyone and everyone to me because well…. mom was no longer fun. Basically my goal everyday was to keep him fed (there is nothing worse than being around food when you’re nauseous) and making sure he had clean diapers. Beyond that, all rules went out the window. We were in survival mode which basically meant a lot of screen time.
Does anyone else out there feel like every smell when pregnant is a terrible smell? I knew I was starting to experience morning sickness when the smell of our plug in air fresheners started to really bother me. My current smell struggles are laundry detergent, body wash/shampoo, and the fridge/any food being cooked. Don’t get me started on poopy diapers… oh man. I’ve learned the art of not breathing.
Something that’s always been hard for me is asking for help, but I quickly realized I needed it. It feels so vulnerable to say “hey, I know I’m a stay at home mom and I only have one child to take care of, but I’m barely hanging on.” I’m so glad I let go of my pride and let people help because it absolutely was needed. When we had play dates, my friends would make lunch for my son and play with him while I would lay on the couch. It was enough to make me cry tears of thankfulness. My mom started watching him one day a week while going through this to give me a day to just relax (aka be nauseous and puke in peace). My brother in law who is in town while looking for a job came over multiple times to play with Jonas and entertain him. My soon to be sister in law did this too. When my mom and dad in law were in town (snow birds), they would help out too. I can’t explain how grateful I was and continue to be for this help. God truly kept our family afloat during this time with our incredible village.
The real MVP here that stepped up without ever complaining was my husband. He went from coming home from work to a meal on the table, clean house, and happy kid to no meal (or groceries), a disaster of a house, and a kid desperate for attention. He has been absolutely incredible and i am so so SO thankful for everything he does.
I don’t want this blog post to come across as a complaining session about how difficult this pregnancy has been, but I also want to be honest. Honestly, it’s been a rough ride, but I’m hopeful that things are starting to get better. I’m starting to have some good days mixed in with the bad and I’m eating things besides bread and saltines. I’m feeling encouraged by these small milestones! Since I’ve been so focused on feeling gross all the time, i haven’t spent anytime preparing for this precious new bundle. I’m so excited to start dreaming about names, nursery ideas, what he/she will be like, and enjoying the time i have with just Jonas before the baby comes. God is good and despite how hard this has been, my heart couldn’t feel any more grateful.